'Total impotence': Pete Hegseth's update on 'self-inflicted quagmire' in Iran gets roasted

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth provided an update on the war with Iran, but he failed to reassure many observers that he and President Donald Trump had a strong plan.

The 79-year-old president told CBS News that he's not ready "quite yet" to give up on forcing Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, although he posted on Truth Social that he wants foreign allies to "build up some delayed courage" and ensure the waterway's security, and Hegseth endorsed that strategy.

"The president was clear this morning in his Truth that there are countries around the world who ought to be prepared to step up on this critical waterway as well," Hegseth told reporters. "Last time I checked there was supposed to be a big bad Royal Navy that could be prepared to do things like that."

Social media users lit up the self-styled "secretary of war" after he finished his update.

"For five weeks, Hegseth's been screeching about how we have the greatest military ever, that the war was over on Day One, etc. etc.," said Aaron Klemz, a Minnesota statehouse candidate. "We gave our European allies the middle finger, and now we're begging them to solve the problem we (and Israel) created? What a beta move."

"All they have is negging and pickup artist techniques," posted The Onion's Ben Collins. "Diplomacy by incel forum."

"What kind of brain thinks 'this is so easy, all the hard part is done, it’s for your benefit, we desperately need your help, and are very upset you aren’t fixing the problem that’s already fixed' is persuasive to anyone?" wondered international relations professor Nicholas Grossman.

"Prior to Trump, the strait was open and there was a deal to curb Iran's nuclear program," noted Talking Points Memo's Hunter Walker. "Many, many more people also had not been killed."

" NATO is a defensive alliance, not a if-I-start-a-random-war-for-fun-everyone-else-has-to-join-in kind of alliance," pointed out HuffPost's S.V. Dáte.

"What we are seeing from Trump and by extension Hegseth right now is total impotence," slammed Oliver Willis of Daily Kos. "They are screaming and yelling at Iran and our allies because they can’t get it up politically or militarily. Their failure is someone else’s fault but they’re the ones who can’t perform."

"Does Iran know Hegseth can bench three plates????!!?!!??" asked writer Adam Serwer. "How is this war still going?"

"Love to freestyle war," sighed journalist Marisa Kabas, in response to Hegseth saying the war's objectives could be achieved in "four to six weeks, six to eight weeks, three weeks."

"Hegseth lies that Trump gets credit for ships going through the Strait — and tells the MAGA base to just 'have faith' in Trump re: 'boots on the ground,'" opined the Tennessee Holler account.

"Yell at Britain for not helping with your self-inflicted quagmire. Give Russia a pass for helping Iran shoot at American soldiers. Checks out," posted researcher Daniel Munk on Tuesday.

"Continue to be amazed that Hegseth's hand-picked press corps asks basic, tough questions about the war (that he can't answer)," noticed political scientist Elizabeth Saunders. "We are so far beyond 'you know this war is bad because John Bolton is against it.'"